Qualities of Being: What a fence taught me

This summer, I built a fence—something I thought would be practical and straightforward. Instead, it became a quiet lesson in how we choose the qualities we want to live inside.

I kept going back and forth between two options:

a solid, heavy redwood panel

or a lighter, more flexible bamboo screen

On paper, the redwood made more sense. It was sturdy. Permanent. Clear. But the bamboo had a different quality—it felt airy, soft, movable. It created privacy without weight. It breathed.

In the end, I chose the bamboo.

Not because it was smarter or cheaper or longer-lasting, but because its quality matched the tone my life needed: lightness, permeability, and room to shift.

And that was the real insight: I wasn’t choosing a fence. I was choosing a feeling. A way of being.

Qualities Make Our Wisest Decisions

In our linear world, feelings are often dismissed as irrational or impractical. But in my work—and in life—qualities are the deeper compass.

They tell us what will actually support us. They tell the truth before the mind catches up. They reveal what we’re ready for, and what we aren’t.

The choice wasn’t between redwood or bamboo. It was between heaviness and lightness, finality and change, structure and breath.

Those are the real decisions we make every day:

Do I want something grounded or something fluid?

Do I need containment or spaciousness?

Do I want to feel held or free?

The Qualities We Choose Shape Our Inner World

Any physical choice—a fence, a room, a workspace—is also an energetic one. It shapes the nervous system. It shapes our creative field. It shapes what we invite in, and what we’re ready to let go of.

The question is never just, Will this last? The real question is, What does this feel like? And is that the quality I want to live inside right now?

A Simple Reflection for Your Own Life

Whatever you’re building—an offering, a home, a boundary, a way forward—ask yourself:

What is the quality I want holding me right now? Lightness? Solidity? Warmth? Openness? Containment?

There’s no right answer. There’s only the one that feels true.